Just for the record...

This is not what I've been dealing with:


Although it does run in my family. (eek!)

Carrots.

I want to like them. Really, I do.

I have several friends who have an affinity for carrots. One friend would regularly buy a large bag of carrots to be his lunch for the week. I still don't understand how he did not turn permanently orange, but oh well. My husband loves carrots. He's happily munching on them right now.

But me? I. do. not. like. carrots. I tolerate them. I tend to eat them sparingly, and only because they're healthy & I'm supposed to.

Well... I'm on a mission to like carrots now.

Due to some recent health issues, I'm having to watch very carefully what I eat. (No, it's not diabeetus or anything super-huge.) Anyway... carrots are on the good list.

Coffee is on the bad list (pout.)
Soda is on the bad list (bottom lip trembling.)
Curry is on the bad list (wide eyes.)
Chickfila seems to be on my own personal bad list (tear!)
Tomatoes are on the bad list (whimper.)
As are a multitude of berries and citrus fruits!!! (sob!)

At least for now these are among the things on the bad list, so I'm hunting for other things I enjoy that are actually okay to eat...

And I really wish I liked carrots.

* * * * * * *

P.S. If you offer me a Dr. Pepper, I probably won't talk to you for a week.

A little mischief...

I was making some Christmas presents this afternoon and got a little carried away.

The result was this:

Meeple Madness

The Meeple is a piece from one of my favorite boardgames - Carcassonne. I'm pretty sure I have solidly stepped into geekdom by pasting one on my shirt, but that's alright with me. :-)

Mercy.

I've been finding myself whispering this a lot lately - part prayer, part plea, part thanks. And I have received much lately.

Much, much mercy.

A professor gave me an extension on an assignment, but then decided he couldn't realistically do that and revoked it. To which I whispered, mercy, realizing that this is just one assignment that will not likely be the death of me or my grade in the class.

Cold #3 ended up being something completely different. Still not certain what's going on, but I should (hopefully) find out in a few days. In the meantime, these days of questionable health have been driving me crazy. My body has been pretty reliable for most of my life, and now it just feels like its giving out. To which I whisper, mercy.

Each day of this past month and a half has been completed by the grace of God alone. Some days school, some days illness, some days wrestling, some days hiding, some days angry, some days thankful, most days weary, a few moments incredibly awake and aware of God's presence with me despite all appearances to the contrary. To which I whispered (and whisper still), mercy, because His presence is mercy and for that I am thankful.

Study Tactics

I'm sure this won't work so well for the longer papers that I have due in coming weeks, but for now I'm enjoying this approach to studying:

Write a section.
Knit a few rows.
Write a section.
Knit a few rows.

Thanks to some rest and the prayers of a few good friends, I think I might be able to fend off Cold #3, which was threatening earlier this week. Whatever it was knocked me out for Tuesday, but I refuse to be knocked out any longer... but I'm still moving slowly.

And writing a section,
Then knitting a few rows.
Repeating repeating
til this assignment is done.

At this rate, Shalom could be done by the end of November. You know what... I need peace AND a warm sweater, so that works out well. :-)

But all is not dark...

I know the last post was a bit of a downer. You'll get that here periodically, as I try to be genuine. Where I am is where I am and I won't try to hide it.

But all is not dark in my life. I have an incredible husband and I have a handful of friends, near and far, who are willing to stick things out with me and help me carefully peel back the assorted layers of my heart.

I also have a few sanity-keeping hobbies that I will carve out time for. My bike will get plenty of use, as will my running shoes. My paintbrushes will likely not stay dry for long, and there will be plenty of fun on my knitting needles. I know better than to dive into a mess without some diversions. :-)

Thanks to my wonderful friend Yvette (who gave me a fantastic birthday present - a gift certificate to my favorite local yarn store), I was able to get some yarn for a sweater today. No pictures yet, just a delighted impatient me who has already cast on for my second iteration of the Shalom cardigan. This time it will have sleeves, a la here and here.

The first time I made it, I used something I affectionately (haha) dubbed "Quintessential Itchy-Scratchy." Basically free yarn, also basically unwearable. Really, I just wanted to prove to myself that I could make a sweater if I could afford to. The completed product lives on my duct-tape dress form, whom I call Ducky. This new sweater will live on me. :-)

I should be writing a paper, but I'll get to that in a few minutes. Grad school does not have to be all work. Just remind me of that in a few weeks...

The beginning of perseverance

I get the feeling that I am entering a rather cold, dark season. Perhaps not physically... after all, I live in sunny CO now.

It's not creaky knees that bear the message this time, but the returning ache of an old, tired soul and a dimming of vision. More steps are uncertain, and there is less welcome in old places of rest. There's a loneliness that I can't shake. There's a homesickness for deep community and a dawning realization of just who and what are missing.

And you know what? I will welcome this season. I believe that Jesus is right in the thick of it with me, that my Father is at work redeeming a lot places that have been broken or lost.

So here I sit with open heart and open hands, listening.

Absence makes the heart grow...

Fonder, right?

(By the way, that's a really funny looking word. Fonder.)

Actually, it doesn't. Just for the record.

I mean, my fingers miss Facebook... every time I open my browser I start down the familiar path of check email, check Facebook, check blog-reader, check news (yes... in that order, it's sad, i know) & I come to a screetching halt on the second step.

But the rest of me has been breathing a great big sigh of relief and diving into the rest of life.

In lieu of Facebook & far too many hours of internet-based procrastination:
- I've begun to deal with some skunkiness in my own heart that I would've put off at least until Thanksgiving & possibly Christmas
- I've finished and sent off a paper two days before it was due
- I've done some much needed apartment cleaning
- I've been considering painting projects again (and actually done a little one!)
- I've gotten to work more on my sister's baby blanket

...and I've gotten up the courage to talk to God again (at least once)

These, my friends, are very good things.

A November Morning in Grad School

Riiiiiiiiiiiiing... Riiiiiiiiiiing...

Snooze.

Riiiiiiiiiiiing... Riiiiiiiiiiiiiing...

Snooze.

Riiiiiiiiiiing... Riiiiiiiiiiiing...

Snooze.

Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.

Shower. Pack. Leave. Go downstairs. GO UPSTAIRS.

Grumble. Go downstairs.

Drive. Drive. Drive. Nearly get pulled over. Grumble. Drive.

Prayer. Coffee. Sigh. Breathe.

All to work on statistics on a Saturday morning... but the semester is nearly over and I am counting the days!!!

Facebook

For those of you who read my blog and are also my friends on Facebook... I deactivated my account. (Probably) not forever. Just for now. Ask if you wanna know.

P.S. I finally fixed the comment function on the blog. Figured if I'm not available on FB, I should at least do that... :-)

Dangerous Prayer

I have learned, partially through the life of my husband Jeromie, that honest prayer is dangerous. Yes, it is many other things as well, but it is dangerous too.

It's dangerous to my sense of comfort. It's dangerous to my fragile earthly peace. It's dangerous to my familiar way of seeing and understanding and relating in the world.

I have just such a dangerous prayer.

I want to see the streets of Denver the way many of my friends and acquaintances do. I want to see those things that are hidden to my comfortable middle-class eyes. I may never be able to fully understand just what it is like to live them as a daily, draining reality... but if I am to walk well alongside these people I love, then I need perhaps a little more than cognitive empathy.

I have no idea how God will answer this prayer, but I'm praying that His will be done.