Thursday, August 24, 2006

reallybigreallygoodreallycheap booksale...

or reallybigreallycheapreallygood booksale...
or reallygoodreallybigreallycheap booksale...
or reallygoodreallycheapreallybig boogsale...

I can't remember the actual name, but I think I've gotten the point across. :-)

Jeromie and I went this weekend and got a pile of good books for not much in the way of dollars, and the outcome has certainly made this week so far a little more bearable. However, it's also put me on a mission to find more of George MacDonald's books in their original (original republished is fine) form, as opposed to "edited for today's reader." Most of his books at the booksale fit in the latter category, which is a little frustrating. And by "edited for today's reader," I mean that they "translated" all the dialect and put cheesy romance novel [1] covers on the books. The one editor seems to do a good job of keeping the story & truth that MacDonald seeks to convey, but what about us folks that want to wade through scottish dialect and the story as it was written!!! ;-)

Aside from recently acquiring good books (which may just be distraction), my days have still been a mix of doubt and hope and perhaps a glimmer of faith. I hesitate to even call it that... because what resembles faith in me seems such a poor representation of what faith is. Sometimes I wonder if I even know what that means or entails!! I still feel like I'm finding my worth in work, which is really no worth at all... and it seems as if i will remain without what i consider gainful employment until i learn my lesson!

And so I will journey on. I know that God is at work, and I hope that my knowledge of this fact, and all that it means, will travel from head to heart again and grow deep roots. And not just knowledge of the fact that God is at work, but knowing HIM.

I've spent entirely too long trying to put this into words, and I feel like I still haven't touched on the entirety of what I'm even aware of what God seems up to in my heart and the ways that He's up to it... and, you know, the entirety doesn't belong here either. :-)

[1] Yes, MacDonald does put a romantic twist in some of the stories, but the author is a Scottish pastor from the 1800's... i think anyone that picked those books up for the cover would be sorely disappointed!! :-)

Thursday, August 03, 2006

more fret-ful than a guitar

I'm feeling kind of braindead. No thought-provoking things to post (not lately). Just discouraged... and I don't want to be discouraging... so I almost don't want to post at all, but at the same time I don't want to just sit here quietly.

I'm in a spot of asking "how long?!" After praying about a certain job offer (that would require weekends & Sundays periodically), I turned it down (this was back at the end of June) because I felt that God was telling me to wait. I've spent the past month hunting in earnest for a job with reasonable hours, to no avail. I'd like to take advantage of this down-time for resting and seeking God, but it's gotten so incredibly hard not to worry and fret and feel utterly useless... and to trust, instead, that God will provide as He always has.

So I'm weary again. Now, I think, solely from worrying.