Thursday, August 03, 2006

more fret-ful than a guitar

I'm feeling kind of braindead. No thought-provoking things to post (not lately). Just discouraged... and I don't want to be discouraging... so I almost don't want to post at all, but at the same time I don't want to just sit here quietly.

I'm in a spot of asking "how long?!" After praying about a certain job offer (that would require weekends & Sundays periodically), I turned it down (this was back at the end of June) because I felt that God was telling me to wait. I've spent the past month hunting in earnest for a job with reasonable hours, to no avail. I'd like to take advantage of this down-time for resting and seeking God, but it's gotten so incredibly hard not to worry and fret and feel utterly useless... and to trust, instead, that God will provide as He always has.

So I'm weary again. Now, I think, solely from worrying.

Argh.

3 comments:

Aisyrn said...

I empathize. Oh, how I empathize! I think back to my two years at home and wonder why I didn't accomplish anything productive during all that down time. Looking from my current perspective, though, it's no wonder.

You're right in that it's incredibly hard not to get anxious and depressed, but you're also better off than I was for a long time. It took me time to accept the support around me and learn to trust in a Plan I could not see.

So hang in there, girl. You've got a leg up on all this. Just don't put your whole weight on it. :)

Elizabeth said...

one thing i've come to realize in the past couple of days, i think, is that a lot of my identity for a long time has been grounded in what I do... instead of in who God says I am. thus the fretting and worrying and wearing myself out over lack of employment... "i'm not doing anything so i must be nothing!" would roughly describe the mindset.

so perhaps i'm not productive in the world's eyes at the moment, but i'm determined to take this season, with all its extra time, and see what God has to teach me in it, and where He wants me to serve... cause in all likelihood it won't be where i think. :-)

Aisyrn said...

Man, where was this wisdom when I was going through this?

Oh, wait, I still am. Cursed existentialism!

:) (I'm gettin' betta)