Wednesday, May 24, 2006

oh sweet day!

I'm home from work and for the first time in WEEKS have succeeded in having a no-freakout day. That's not to say I didn't feel stressed, but for the first time in a while, I haven't felt overwhelmed, and I most certainly thank Jesus for that.

I do believe I shall had to the grocery store now, tasty recipe in hand! (Pasta with spinach, bacon and mushrooms!)

Thursday, May 18, 2006

if i were an animal : episode 2

Agh... so ducks & pottami... perhaps now I can explain, or at least try.

May not be surprising to ANYONE else, but I'm stressed out and overwhelmed AGAIN. A couple of months ago, I thought I'd gotten to the point where I could leave work at work, not take life personally, not freak out and be stressed... and obviously I haven't been able to stay that way. Lately, the combination of thorns and work and wedding and my own wander-ful heart have combined to make me one chronically anxious creature. And I don't know what to do with it.

Cause letting things go, leaving them in God's hands, is a heck of a lot easier said than done.

I've been wondering over the past few days where my mistrusting/distrusting heart came from. I struggle to trust anyone... God, others, especially myself. Not in a paranoid way (i don't think anyone's out to get me), but it's so freaking hard to relinquish control... i think that's a good bit of the problem. So what does that mean? Sometimes it gets to the point where daily life feels like a burden and burdens feel like crises. Because I feel like I've got to take care of it ALL. And now, when I try to deal with it in the midst of crazy crazy, I know I need to let go of things, but dang it I can't let it all go at once.

Jen was talking yesterday about letting things roll off instead of absorbing it all... thus the duck. Who knows about the pottamus... perhaps I could just run over everything & flatten the problems. I don't knooooooooooooooow.

I just know I'm tired of this. Really tired.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

if i could be an animal...

i think it might be good to be a duck... or... a... pottamus...

i suppose i'll explain that later, as i must now run off to a dinner date with my fiance & fam.