Weather & Warm Toes

This morning, i left the house for a bike ride at 7am. The temp was between 40-50 the whole time & I just about froze my toes off. (Time to invest in shoe covers, I think).

A mere four hours later, it is 68*F. The projected high is 75*F.

Out of curiousity, I checked the Englewood weather records for today...

Avg high: 52*
Record high: 90*F (1962)
Avg low: 35*
Record low: 2*F (1969)

The record high for the month of October is apparently 96*F (Oct 18, 1977), and the record low is apparently -2*F (Oct 13, 1969).

Yet more proof that Denver weather does whatever the heck it wants. :-) I'm just glad we aren't setting another record today either way!!

Now that my toes are toasty again, it's time to study...

Book Snob.

Alright, I confess. I can be a bit of a book snob, and I'm not at all proud of it.

To a certain extent, it's been useful - there are much better things I can think of to do with my time than read a bad book. On the other hand, I'm sure I've skipped some pretty decent, thought-provoking books because they didn't seem to fit the bill of a good book to me (particularly novel-wise). I don't typically just judge a book by its cover (unless it's shelved in the Romance section :-p)... a lot more usually goes into choosing (or not choosing) a book.

Right now, though, one aspect of my book-snobbery is a bit frustrating to me.

You see, I have to read The Shack (Wm P. Young) for a class this semester. The thing is, I'm not really thrown off by the whole theological monkey-business that I've heard about it, or even the apparent "bad writing." Some people whose opinions I trust have found it to be thought-provoking, and I'm betting it will be. What throws me off is the scads of people who flocked to buy the book sometime last year (well, more like a year and a half...) just because it was the latest, greatest thing. Every time I look at the book, I cringe in mild annoyance at one person after another after another coming into the store to ask after it, not having the slightest clue what it was even about. And being quite rude while they were at it. For this reason, it kind of fits in the same category to me as the Twilight Series, anything by Nicholas Sparks and (for the longest time but not anymore) Harry Potter, to name a few.* For now, I have to put these adverse reactions aside and try to read The Shack with an open mind. Who knows? Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.

So, my question for you (likely few) readers of my wramblings:**

What books have I probably missed out on as a result of all this silliness?

- - - - - - -

*I mean no offense to my friends that have read and enjoyed any of these books. I've been challenged lately to evaluate my reactions to these books and where the heck they're coming from.
**Intentional misspelling... seems an apt description of the combination of wrestling & rambling that happens here.

Resolutions

Well, I'd resolved to be a bit better about updating, and then I promptly got a whole lot worse. I think I have a tendency to behave that way when attempting to make a change in habits, or at least small ones. I suppose finishing up work and preparing to move could be a bit of an excuse, but I don't much like excuses. I would like my blog to be a bit more of a priority in the coming months as Jeromie and I move away from the people that have been our family and the places that have been our home for the better part of the past ten years. I've found that it is so incredibly easy to lose touch with the people that matter to me. Having been a loner most of my life, I lean a bit much toward letting life get in the way of the relationships that matter to me.

I don't want to do that anymore.

But that may be a post for another day. Right now, I'm taking a breather from a mass amount of sorting and a lesser amount of packing. Moving across the country seems like a great opportunity to get rid of some things I've been toting around for a long time. A little-used guitar, a picnic basket, a microwave-cooking dish from the 80's, some old books, old toys, old perspectives, old habits. Two weekends ago, we had a yard-sale to get rid of some of these things... quiet moments and long, lonely Monday commutes have given space to work on discarding others.

Moving across the country also requires good-byes, and it just so happens that some of our friends are moving to other states at the same time so this isn't a unique good-bye time for the Rand family. Dubbed Blubberfest 2008 by one friend, the past week has brought many tears and I am grateful for each one. It's been a long time since I could cry freely, and it's freeing to be able to now. This past weekend, we did the hard thing of taking our good dog-friend, Molly, to a new home. While I truly believe that she will be happier with the Moores (who have a good, semi-rural 10 acres for her to roam on) than she would be in the *tiny* dog-friendly apartment we'd be able to afford in Denver, it was still hard to settle her there and then just leave. It was hard on Sunday to look Ed in his tear-filled eyes and exchange the peace of Christ in the middle of so much tension, to realize that there were some folks I was seeing for the last time and love them well. It will be hard tomorrow to load up a moving van with the Colliers and realize how much the boys will grow before we get to hug them again. But hard is not bad, and the peace of Jesus is not dependent on emotion, but is rather so much more.

A week and a half or more of Blubberfest to go. Bring it on. :-)

I don't feel like I've done justice to the events of the past few weeks... and the ones that are coming in the next few... but at this moment in time that is not necessarily my blog's purpose. :-) In all likelihood, it will remain a window into my continuing journey with and towards God. I like the thought of a blog as a window: you can open it and share a moment with your neighbor even if you can't get to their house at just that moment. Or you could stick a pie in it... um... figuratively speaking? I just have random retro-image-moments of little boys sneaking fresh-baked pies out of windows.

Here I go rambling again. Oh well... back to this:

photo courtesy of the fantastic Jer

Grey Days, the December issue

I started a post nearly two weeks ago (never published it) entitled 'Grey Days.' Mostly it was because it was grey outside that day, but, to be honest, grey is how I've been feeling lately inside too. There have been a couple of ups, but mostly it's been this awkward steady range of grey. There's still light to see by, but it's cloudy most of the time. Circumstances change and the clouds move around... but it's still grey.

A lot of the things Jeromie and I have been feeling and wrestling with lately seemed to come to a head tonight at house church. All together, we processed where we were, individually and as a group. All the way home, Jeromie and I dug around a little more about it. I think that was the shortest 45 minute drive since we moved to Greenville. Needless to say, there are a lot of questions bouncing about in the open now. I pray, and hope that I will begin to pray more consistently, that God will do as He will with all of them. Not as I will... that would be quite a mess.

Off to bed to catch what zzzzz's I can. Maybe I can catch some for my mom...

i'm chile, not argentina

This caboose heater is looking awfully nice right now. If it worked. And weren't in Greenwood. :-)

Thanks to yesterday morning's power outage, the thermostat and/or furnace have decided to go on strike. Jeromie and I woke up to blank alarm clocks (which were not responsible for the waking) & no lights, took showers by headlamp, and wondered about the cause. The power came back on minutes before we walked out the door, and everything seemed fine, so we went on our way. When we arrived home yesterday evening, we heard a clicking noise coming from the thermostat and turned the whole system off. When Jeromie turned it back on, the clicking returned, with no apparent activity from the furnace. Combine that with a cold rainy night and a cold rainy morning and you get a cold sniffly Liz and a yellow lab who has chosen to curl up in a ball on her bed for the duration of the day. I'm hoping it gets fixed soon, as my brain and fingers feel frozen, but in a way I'm glad for the inconvenience.

Lately I've been pretty frustrated at the American bubble and especially the role I play in it. If I'm not intentional about it, life is fairly comfortable and the state of the rest of the world (including the world right down the road from my house) is fairly easy to ignore. Since realizing this, I've been trying to be more mindful but much of the time it takes a swift kick in the pants from God Himself through Scripture & circumstances to peel the scales back from my eyes... scales that seem to grow right back! There is homelessness and dire poverty within a few short miles of my house... and freezing temperatures don't discriminate. There again is the same across the globe and I sit here in relative comfort, able to cook up whatever my imagination settles on for dinner. It's not as if this information is new to me either... perhaps just in a new context.

I know that seeking God & His kingdom first is the best thing I could ever do, yet somehow in daily practice I seem to do nothing more seek my own satisfaction. It makes me sick to see this pattern repeating and yet I don't know what to do to break the cycle but seek the forgiveness that Jesus provides and pray for the help of His Spirit to bring lasting change.

I'm going to go do that.

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P.S. "That makes me nervous" is NOT something you want to hear from the guy who's working on your heating system.

Stirrings

This picture was taken just over two years ago... one crisp, late October morning in 2004. At that point I was driving too long and (most of the time) too early for a part-time job as a lifeguard. It's still amazing to me how time seems to fly and how things can change so slowly and quickly at the same time. At this point, I could wax theological about how God is changeless while I am always changing... and just because I don't doesn't mean He isn't (changeless)... but that isn't what strikes me most at moments like these. (And I am no good at waxing in any form... not even cars.)

I think what is stirring in my heart right now is, perhaps, a fresh realization of His mercy. That stirring itself is by grace alone - the Spirit rising like the sun to cut through the frost that remains in my own heart. I hope and pray for awakening - I've been asleep for too long.

Lilo & 2 Stitches

Hehe, I have now had stitches twice in my life! Don't worry, I'll spare you... no pictures! For some reason, it's kind of tempting though!

Of all ways to get stitches, mine might be one of the dumbest... I was unloading the dishwasher at my step-sister's place and dropped a ceramic mug all of one foot into the top rack of the dishwasher. Not thinking it would break (cause it shouldn't have), I reached down to pick it up as it was falling and thus sliced my palm... cause the mug cracked in pretty much half. Needless to say, I'm feelin' pretty dumb, but pretty blessed since it could've been worse. :-)

On the previous subject of George MacDonald, Jeromie promptly located a site called Project Gutenberg (sp?) where all sorts of pre-copyright books are posted for general use in electronic format. As far as I can tell most of his are in their original forms, which is EXCELLENT. I promptly got my paws on one of the stories I'd been looking for at the booksale, called The Wise Woman, and loved it. George MacDonald's approach to storytelling, and conveying truth in story, is insightful and incredible to me, and so I am rather thankful to have access to his original writings. Now I'm trying to temper my reading of them with other books as well, as much as I'd like to just curl up with them all one after the other!

Another book I've been reading lately is J.I. Packer's Knowing God, and it's been thoroughly challenging to me. Perhaps that's why I haven't been as consistent as I should in reading it. As much as I very much want to be changed, there are moments (many) where I shy away from the conviction that the Spirit brings... because God is God and I, most certainly, am NOT... which is a very very *good* thing. I have more wonderings to explore related to this, but right now I've run out of time.

Off I go to begin crafting a fantastic work of art called home-made pizza. Ha. Or maybe off I go to begin crafting a plain old home-made pizza, as it will likely not be particularly artistic. :-D

reallybigreallygoodreallycheap booksale...

or reallybigreallycheapreallygood booksale...
or reallygoodreallybigreallycheap booksale...
or reallygoodreallycheapreallybig boogsale...
or...

I can't remember the actual name, but I think I've gotten the point across. :-)

Jeromie and I went this weekend and got a pile of good books for not much in the way of dollars, and the outcome has certainly made this week so far a little more bearable. However, it's also put me on a mission to find more of George MacDonald's books in their original (original republished is fine) form, as opposed to "edited for today's reader." Most of his books at the booksale fit in the latter category, which is a little frustrating. And by "edited for today's reader," I mean that they "translated" all the dialect and put cheesy romance novel [1] covers on the books. The one editor seems to do a good job of keeping the story & truth that MacDonald seeks to convey, but what about us folks that want to wade through scottish dialect and the story as it was written!!! ;-)

Aside from recently acquiring good books (which may just be distraction), my days have still been a mix of doubt and hope and perhaps a glimmer of faith. I hesitate to even call it that... because what resembles faith in me seems such a poor representation of what faith is. Sometimes I wonder if I even know what that means or entails!! I still feel like I'm finding my worth in work, which is really no worth at all... and it seems as if i will remain without what i consider gainful employment until i learn my lesson!

And so I will journey on. I know that God is at work, and I hope that my knowledge of this fact, and all that it means, will travel from head to heart again and grow deep roots. And not just knowledge of the fact that God is at work, but knowing HIM.

I've spent entirely too long trying to put this into words, and I feel like I still haven't touched on the entirety of what I'm even aware of what God seems up to in my heart and the ways that He's up to it... and, you know, the entirety doesn't belong here either. :-)

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[1] Yes, MacDonald does put a romantic twist in some of the stories, but the author is a Scottish pastor from the 1800's... i think anyone that picked those books up for the cover would be sorely disappointed!! :-)

more fret-ful than a guitar

I'm feeling kind of braindead. No thought-provoking things to post (not lately). Just discouraged... and I don't want to be discouraging... so I almost don't want to post at all, but at the same time I don't want to just sit here quietly.

I'm in a spot of asking "how long?!" After praying about a certain job offer (that would require weekends & Sundays periodically), I turned it down (this was back at the end of June) because I felt that God was telling me to wait. I've spent the past month hunting in earnest for a job with reasonable hours, to no avail. I'd like to take advantage of this down-time for resting and seeking God, but it's gotten so incredibly hard not to worry and fret and feel utterly useless... and to trust, instead, that God will provide as He always has.

So I'm weary again. Now, I think, solely from worrying.

Argh.

mmmm...onkey business (?)

It's kind of hard to ramble freely while sitting in a library computer lab... with a time limit. But perhaps time limits are good things with me.

So it's 5pm on a Wednesday afternoon and I am at the library, not at work. Cause I haven't found a job yet... and that's what I'm here hunting around for. Honestly, that's a little harder to swallow than I thought it'd be back when I finished at DMH. I'm glad for a bit of a break, but at the same time I'd like to get out and into life with people again. Even so, I can tell that God has some things to teach me in my time off... something that has begun to sink in during house church and quiet time this week. I just pray that my heart would be open to what God has to say and where He's got in mind to lead me.

Well, off to more hunting/application-filling-outing.


e. to da r.a.n.d.

riptides in the dead sea?

So a Monday morning finds me at home. Honestly, I would've rather been tough about it and gone in to work, but something tells me I need to go ahead and sit today out. I feel exhausted, disconnected, a little ashamed, and on top of all this, sitting on the edge of sick & well.

So what to do with the day?

Need to rest. Need to talk with Jesus. I feel like I've been swept away over the past couple of weeks, drawn into other things that deceptively offer peace & rest & healing but in fact bring death, and I haven't fought the current. Like a riptide, perhaps, except that I didn't realize the distance until I became too worn out to do anything about it. Looks like my desert met the ocean and I couldn't tell the difference. :-p

I think I'm gonna troop back upstairs for some quiet before I head off to G-vegas to get my car doctored.

Time flies regardless...

Where did February go?! Actually, I know where most of it went... but I'm still having a hard time believing that March is already here & a quarter over. I've tried my best to keep my eyes wide open instead of coasting through or just surviving each day, but even so the days have found a way to sneak past.

I don't like the sneaking...

So March 7th finds me...
- weary again, even after a two-and-a-half week break from work.
- very much aware of the fact that I desperately need Jesus.
- more aware of my priorities & more committed to acting on them.
- full of just as many questions & frustrations at work as before.
- 32 days closer to marrying Jeromie! :-)

This very moment finds me...
- fretting about work and what it means to make the right decisions each day.
- very headachey.
- homesick.

Questions of Calling

How do I even begin to untangle this mass of questions?!

I sat down with my application materials this afternoon, and realized again the possibility that perhaps there is still more growing to do before I continue my schooling. I cannot tell if my struggles to begin/complete the applications are rooted in my own fear or if they are God tugging at my heart here & telling me to seek Him where I am. I most certainly don't want to plow forward toward seminary if that is not what God has called me to at this point in my journey.

God, I want to follow, but I can't tell what that means.

And so, once again, I will wait and listen.