kickin' the dontwannas

As always, the recognition's been building for months, with the action lagging a bit behind.  And as usual, the blog post follows the action by week or two when I feel like reflecting on it in written form.  Instead of doing my typical year-in-review-ish kind of thing, this will have to suffice. :-)

So here goes.

I have recently recognized within myself an absurd propensity for answering tasks with the rather childish internal: "dontwanna!!"  At school or work, I am typically the master of the priority list and the dontwannas get silenced unless I'm really worn down.  In the rest of my life, the dontwannas and I duke it out regularly.  Oh, and I can be the master of evasion without even consciously considering what's going on...

Sometimes the dontwannas are just plain silly.

• Sleep? dontwanna. (and i stay up an hour too late)
• Wake up? dontwanna. (unwittingly hit the alarm clock for a good 30 minutes if i don't have somewhere to be or someone to meet.  i am perfectly able to get up, ready and where i need to be if there's a scheduled reason... but i can't trick myself into this for some reason...)
• Upload photos to my computer? dontwanna. (wait a month and neglect my camera in the meantime)

Sometimes the dontwannas are gross. 

• Do the dishes? dontwanna. (and they sit until later)
• Clean the house? dontwanna. (make ridiculous list of what needs doing and leave the unsavory tasks for absolutely last, or for Jeromie, or just don't make the list at all!  look at me, i'm making a list! how productive...)

Sometimes the dontwannas are harmful.

• Take a day off of running? dontwanna. (run anyway, eventually end up injured.  deal with the results all year long...)
• Go to the dentist? dontwanna. (put it off for, um... 4 years?  don't worry, no cavities this time.)

Sometimes the dontwannas are just plain sad.

• Spend spontaneous time with others? dontwanna.  (and i rationalize it as "self-care" because i'm an introvert. not that i don't need alone time, but like i said... i can be pretty absurd.)
• Start a conversation with the person next to me on the bus? dontwanna. (but, but... i don't know what to say! so we sit 5 miles in silence...)
• Spend time praying and reading? dontwanna.  (there, i've said it. i'm a bit Bible-phobic.)

The common theme?  The dontwannas are pretty much always selfish or self-serving.  And the avoidance or ending of avoidance is eventually guilt-driven.

Well, dontwannas... your days are numbered.  I dontwanna be characterized by dontwanna.  It's an unpleasant existence when I get down to it.

This year's practice?  Kickin' the unnecessary, self-serving dontwannas.

That said, not all dontwannas are bad.  A certain amount of self-care is necessary.  In some cases, self-protection is necessary.  I've gotten to the point where I can tell the difference, and those other dontwannas are about to bite the dust.  This is about the ridiculous ones... the ones I have no viable reason to heed.

The world does not revolve around Liz.  And I profess that my life does not revolve around me either.  Time to get living again.

Now for that laundry...

So conflicted!

Sometimes I want to give away every single book in our house & SIMPLIFY.

Other days, I remember this massive list of books I'd love to read and I want to have them all in a tangible stack right next to me.

I think that tangible stack might sound a lot like the audio on this (awesome) site: Save the Words

(By the way, I adopted the word senticious, which means prickly or thorny. Like hedgehogs and porcupines and sticker-bushes and those lovely goatheads that like to puncture bike tires. Oh, and me when I'm irritated...)

Today's pickme!'s:

• Spiritual Direction & the Care of Souls by Gary W. Moon & David G. Benner
• "The Red-Headed League" from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

There are plenty more begging to be read...

Strange Territory

My husband and I live in a little one bedroom apartment in the Denver area. We've been in this little space for about a year and a half now, and we're slowly figuring out how to glean every last bit of storage out of the place. Last week, the purchase of an inexpensive corner shelf enabled me to move the microwave out of the (itty-bitty) kitchen...

Voila! More room in the kitchen!

Little did I know I would be frequently assaulted by the urge to bake stuff. Amazing what a little re-arranging can do... I usually avoid the kitchen like the plague!

WELL. This morning, I figured out that I could study AND bake at the same time since I have an audio study-guide for the NCE. Oh, mercy...

A few hours of wakefulness have already produced pumpkin chocolate chip muffins and banana bread just because I wanted to. The revelation that I could study too might mean more deliciousness...

I am limited only by the contents of my pantry and the fact that I have to be at school by 1pm. :-)

Two Funnies

While I'm busy avoiding a paper for school,* I thought I'd share two funny exchanges from today.


Intentional Bad Joke #1: On the way home from out-of-town, we passed a sign that said something to the effect of:

"Welcome to Superior, CO" (to which I chuckled and said, "Just know we're better than you...")


Unintentional Bad Joke #2: I've been sneezing all day. I managed to live 27 years of my life with no particularly pesky allergies. Then we moved to Denver. While gearing up for a particularly annoying sneeze, I proceeded to make a series of funny faces...

Jeromie: "Wow, you're making some rather Calvin-esque faces there..."
Me: "What do you mean, Calvinist faces?!"
Jeromie: "Calvin-esque. Like Calvin & Hobbes."
Me: "Oh."

Also... we got some fun toys yesterday. :-)

Kahtoola Micro-spikes

We took them for a short spin on the Gregory Canyon & Saddle Rock Trails in Boulder. Now I'd much rather be back out & hiking, but alas... papers call. I should get back to them.

* Hey, now... it's spring break AND a Saturday AND I'm in the library.

An apology. And tea.

So... my last post wasn't intended to be a smash on anyone who likes traditional holiday tunes. I've just realized lately what a propensity I have for disconnection. Some days it's a battle to stay not just physically, but also spiritually and emotionally, awake. Who am I kidding? It's been most days lately, which is why I've taken to just turning everything off. Thus, when I actually turn something on it'd better be good. :-)

I apologize if I offended anyone.

On a kind of giddy note, I like tea.

This time last year, I did NOT like tea. This time last year, I didn't want to even consider tea as a viable beverage option. Oh, but I didn't know what I was missing until this week. :-)

Last spring, I decided I'd give tea a shot & started with the Celestial Seasonings fruity stuff. Why not? There's a tea factory just up the road in Boulder. That was all well and good. I tried some breakfast teas & greys. They were alright too (well, except for the one that tasted like old cigarette smoke smells).

Then my friend Elizabeth gave Jer & I tea for Christmas.

She gave us this stuff:

Tea Gschwendner's Winter Magic
(and their apple pie tea too)

Since I cracked the gift open on Sunday evening and put it to the test, I've had to resist chain-drinking the stuff. It's incredibly delicious. :-)

Thanks, Elizabeth!

A November Morning in Grad School

Riiiiiiiiiiiiing... Riiiiiiiiiiing...

Snooze.

Riiiiiiiiiiiing... Riiiiiiiiiiiiiing...

Snooze.

Riiiiiiiiiiing... Riiiiiiiiiiiing...

Snooze.

Grumble. Grumble. Grumble.

Shower. Pack. Leave. Go downstairs. GO UPSTAIRS.

Grumble. Go downstairs.

Drive. Drive. Drive. Nearly get pulled over. Grumble. Drive.

Prayer. Coffee. Sigh. Breathe.

All to work on statistics on a Saturday morning... but the semester is nearly over and I am counting the days!!!

What?!?!??

I'll probably post in a few days about the sheer, utter craziness of last night, but in the meantime I present to you my snowboots.

Just a word or three before the pictures: wtf?!

(I'm not complaining... I'm just confused!)

Tent stake to show the extent of the damage

See?

??!

The Boots: Columbia Bugazips, obtained for a mere $3 at a yard sale last year in near-unused condition

The Conditions: High of 32F, Nighttime low of 26F, steady snow throughout while camping out:
- in Fort Collins
- in a decent snowstorm
- in a Chikfila parking lot
- for ~13.5 hours
- for free food!

The Crazy: The boots stayed outside of the tent, but out of the weather, for about 6 hours last night. They were awesome and toasty with no apparent structural compromise until I got back to Englewood and went in and out of several stores. At some point, I realized that my heel was bothering me & so I looked down at my shoes to discover that the left heel had cracked completely around. Keep walking around, finish my errand, walk out of the store, hear some crackling, look down... right toebox full of spiderweb cracks! Was I supposed to pretreat these things or were they just defective?

Jer looked at reviews of similar Columbia boots & found that several people had posted the same problem. Apparently the boots only have a 1 year warranty anyway, so it's probably not worth even asking since I got them secondhand more than a year ago.

No complaints from me... I definitely got $3 of wear out of them. It will just be a cold month or two for my toes if this weather keeps up. I'm eying some sweet boots for Christmas though... :-)

Book Snob.

Alright, I confess. I can be a bit of a book snob, and I'm not at all proud of it.

To a certain extent, it's been useful - there are much better things I can think of to do with my time than read a bad book. On the other hand, I'm sure I've skipped some pretty decent, thought-provoking books because they didn't seem to fit the bill of a good book to me (particularly novel-wise). I don't typically just judge a book by its cover (unless it's shelved in the Romance section :-p)... a lot more usually goes into choosing (or not choosing) a book.

Right now, though, one aspect of my book-snobbery is a bit frustrating to me.

You see, I have to read The Shack (Wm P. Young) for a class this semester. The thing is, I'm not really thrown off by the whole theological monkey-business that I've heard about it, or even the apparent "bad writing." Some people whose opinions I trust have found it to be thought-provoking, and I'm betting it will be. What throws me off is the scads of people who flocked to buy the book sometime last year (well, more like a year and a half...) just because it was the latest, greatest thing. Every time I look at the book, I cringe in mild annoyance at one person after another after another coming into the store to ask after it, not having the slightest clue what it was even about. And being quite rude while they were at it. For this reason, it kind of fits in the same category to me as the Twilight Series, anything by Nicholas Sparks and (for the longest time but not anymore) Harry Potter, to name a few.* For now, I have to put these adverse reactions aside and try to read The Shack with an open mind. Who knows? Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.

So, my question for you (likely few) readers of my wramblings:**

What books have I probably missed out on as a result of all this silliness?

- - - - - - -

*I mean no offense to my friends that have read and enjoyed any of these books. I've been challenged lately to evaluate my reactions to these books and where the heck they're coming from.
**Intentional misspelling... seems an apt description of the combination of wrestling & rambling that happens here.

For the love...

Most of the time I *love* being a bike commuter. The part of Denver I live, work, & go to school in is conducive to decent-length commutes & it clears my head.

I do NOT like having 2 flats in 2 days.

There's nothing stuck in my tires.
I'm careful not to pinch the tubes when I replace them.
I avoid pot-holes & jumpy sidewalks & broken glass.

I was okay with one, but two?!?! Apparently I'm making up for lost time. :-p

Okay, I'm done venting. The past few days have been frustrating & I guess a 2nd flat just punched my last button. I'm done.

I hereby resolve...

... not to play Tetris today.

I know, I know. I could resolve to do (or not do) so many more exciting things, but Tetris it is. I have spent many years convinced that I hated Tetris until Jeromie proved me wrong oh... 2 days ago? I confess that I have wasted a lot of my free time playing Tetris. No wonder my paper isn't done! :-p

Mortified.

I may have committed, today, the most embarrassing act in my entire life thus far... I'm still evaluating it. But since I have grown enough in the past year or so to be able to laugh at myself... and since it apparently amused my professor, I'll share it here.

To set the scene: This week has been rough from the start. I was exhausted-sick all weekend and Monday, a little better but loopy Tuesday, a little worse but moderately okay Wednesday, and a little better again but REALLY LOOPY today. On top of this roller-coaster of wellness, I also have quite a number of things due in the next week that have me rather stressed out. And midterms are approaching. And, oh yeah... did I mention that I'm loopy today??????

Location: OT 511 with Dr. Hess - the most intense class I've ever had the privilege to take. It's just a lot of information, and Dr. Hess is pretty brilliant... and my head usually feels like it's going to explode before we get to the first break.

It's a three-hour/once-a-week class. And did I mention it's intense??

So, picture me sitting with a few friends about two-thirds of the way back in a classroom that can probably seat near 100 students. We've already exchanged a few glances (and messages on facebook - I promise I don't normally do that in class, but today's been crazy) to the effect of "break. soon. please." Just when I thought I couldn't handle any more, Dr. Hess goes, "Okay, so... let's take a break now."

Before I knew what was happening, my hands SHOT up in the air and I shouted "YES!!!"

And then I hid under the table and turned about 10 shades of red.

Thankfully, Dr. Hess seemed pretty amused.

I spoke with him after class and sincerely apologized for my outburst, and he seemed to understand. I love the class... it's *really* interesting, but today... well... today it was just too much for my enfeebled brain to handle.

Minor Carnage

Whew.

I feel very very blessed/fortunate/lucky/relieved. I probably will not be wearing my engagement ring to work anymore.

Here is the carnage:







Here is the story:


My first task at work today was to take the paper recycling out to the paper recycling dumpster in the back. I work in a bookstore, so we have LOTS of paper recycling, and we'd unfortunately let it build up behind the desk this past week. It took a couple of trips to get everything out in the little yellow buggies we have, and sometime during the second trip out to the dumpster, I had a mishap with one of the boxes... I dropped it. On the verge of getting it into the dumpster. I'm fairly certain said carnage occurred during this particular event...

Box or dumpster catches ring. Box or dumpster bends prong(s) backwards. Stone loosens in setting. Stone doesn't fall out til I get back to the front desk for trip #3.

Of course, I didn't realize this 'til sometime AFTER the event. In fact, it was the third trip out when I noticed. Somehow, I didn't freak out... I think that was grace #1. I looked around a bit, calmly walked to the front, alerted my supervisor that I'd be out back for a while and why, then walked back out to the dumpster, talked to Jesus about it, and commenced searching.

It's pretty sandy and gross in the back, with uneven pavement & a rickety ramp. I looked everywhere I'd walked, under things, by the dumpster. No luck. Looked into the dumpster. Saw paper. Lots of paper. Walked calmly back to the front to ask for a flashlight. I was pretty much ready to hop IN the nasty dumpster to look.

While I was waiting up front for Jeanne to find a flashlight, I caught a glimpse of something shiny in the carpet behind the desk. I ran around the corner, picked it up, and there it was! Grace #2. :-D YAY!

Time elapsed: less than 10 minutes

God knows the number of hairs on our heads, and He sees stones & sparrows fall. In the grand scheme of things, this event was minor... but somehow God saw fit to bring peace & to help me find it.

I'm pretty thankful.

* * * * * * *

Knit-picking

Goodness, I haven't posted in a while. As for the outcome of the last post, no one ever looks at my nametag, so I just left it the way it was... I think I'll continue to do so until it falls apart. I guess I'm more like the grammar knit-picker than the grammar nazi.

Speaking of knit-picking, I've been knitting quite a bit recently. I taught myself several Christmases ago (4, it turns out) because I thought it looked interesting. It never really clicked until this time around. I had to rest my foot for most of the holidays in order to be able to function on it at work when I got back. Nothing like hating TV and having to sit on a couch for a week or so to make things click. Anyhow, Jeromie got me a knitting instruction/pattern book for Christmas (Stitch & B****) -- it cleared up my very few confusions about the process and resulted in a kerchief, a hat for Jero, and, most recently, a bag. I liked knitting before... I really like it now. :-) I still can't run, walk a lot, or climb much on my foot (thanks to me playing HC kickball), but I can knit and it serves as a similar enough de-stresser and a good creative outlet.

On the inside, the past month or so has been full of wrestling, doubts, and questions that are not readily answered. Some days, I ignore the questions and, honestly, I hate myself for that. I know that God will bring glory to Himself and teach me through the questions and the wrestling, but I just get so tired of bumping up against what feel like brick walls.

Anyhow, here's a picture of the bag, complete with Molly fur on the floor:

Lilo & 2 Stitches

Hehe, I have now had stitches twice in my life! Don't worry, I'll spare you... no pictures! For some reason, it's kind of tempting though!

Of all ways to get stitches, mine might be one of the dumbest... I was unloading the dishwasher at my step-sister's place and dropped a ceramic mug all of one foot into the top rack of the dishwasher. Not thinking it would break (cause it shouldn't have), I reached down to pick it up as it was falling and thus sliced my palm... cause the mug cracked in pretty much half. Needless to say, I'm feelin' pretty dumb, but pretty blessed since it could've been worse. :-)

On the previous subject of George MacDonald, Jeromie promptly located a site called Project Gutenberg (sp?) where all sorts of pre-copyright books are posted for general use in electronic format. As far as I can tell most of his are in their original forms, which is EXCELLENT. I promptly got my paws on one of the stories I'd been looking for at the booksale, called The Wise Woman, and loved it. George MacDonald's approach to storytelling, and conveying truth in story, is insightful and incredible to me, and so I am rather thankful to have access to his original writings. Now I'm trying to temper my reading of them with other books as well, as much as I'd like to just curl up with them all one after the other!

Another book I've been reading lately is J.I. Packer's Knowing God, and it's been thoroughly challenging to me. Perhaps that's why I haven't been as consistent as I should in reading it. As much as I very much want to be changed, there are moments (many) where I shy away from the conviction that the Spirit brings... because God is God and I, most certainly, am NOT... which is a very very *good* thing. I have more wonderings to explore related to this, but right now I've run out of time.

Off I go to begin crafting a fantastic work of art called home-made pizza. Ha. Or maybe off I go to begin crafting a plain old home-made pizza, as it will likely not be particularly artistic. :-D